Tag Archives: boys

this introverted mama

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I used to think that being an introvert meant you were shy.  And extravert = outgoing.  Not being a terribly shy person, I was always told and believed myself to be an extravert.  But a few years ago, my friend, Belinda explained to me that no, I was not an extravert; that I was, in fact, quite the introvert.  I didn’t believe her.

Here was some basic evidence she pointed out:

  • You could not pay me enough to enter a room full of strangers and mingle for an hour.  Well, maybe you could.   But I wouldn’t like it.
  • I cannot get enough alone time.
  • After our weekly community group meets on Tuesday nights (which I enjoy immensely), I am EXHAUSTED
  • Large parties are always a daunting business.  In large settings, I’d prefer to find one person, sit on the couch and not move.  At all.

Here’s the VERY basic definition as I understand it.  This is by no means an exhaustive look.

Introvert = someone who is energized by being alone.
Extrovert = someone who is energized by being with others.

Like this…

I instantly felt like I understood myself in a whole new way.  My life growing up with my extremely extraverted (and very dear) sister, who doesn’t even like to floss by herself, suddenly came into focus.  So much of my behavior made more sense.  Belinda was right, it turns out.  Does everyone already know this stuff?

So I’m an outgoing introvert.  Who knew?  I don’t just like having time to myself.  I need time to myself.   And it has occurred to me recently that being an introvert is at direct odds with having toddlers/preschoolers.  I know that it will not always be this way.  One or both of my boys might end up being introverted as well (pretty please) and then we can all live peaceably together with long periods of silence and navel gazing in between all our dance parties and chatty meal times.  That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.  But right now?   If there is a coping thresh hold for introverted parents, I think I reach it almost daily.  Kids are so… up in your business.  Physical boundaries don’t exist.   They are completely needy.  They whine and carry on about totally unreasonable things.  And the talking.  Oh my word, the talking.  The sheer amount of words coming at me at all times from all sides.

This morning…

Isaiah: Ca’ I have ‘stachios?  (“Could I have some pistachios?”)
Me: Yes, I’ll get you some pistachios.  Let me finish getting brother some juice and I’ll get you some pistachios.  (Gryffin, meanwhile, saying “Mom, did you for-get my juuu-ice?  Did you for-get my juuu-ice?”
Isaiah: Ca’ I have ‘stachios?  Ca’ I have ‘stachios?  Ca’ I have ‘stachios?  Ca’ I have ‘stachios?   Ca’ I have ‘stachios?  Ca’ I have ‘stachios?  Ca’ I have ‘stachios?  Ca’ I have ‘stachios?  Ca’ I have ‘stachios?   Ca’ I have ‘stachios?

Until my head explodes.

Seriously, they just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.  Constantly.   In so many ways, I love it and wouldn’t want it any other way.  Except maybe with intervals of complete and total silence.  I’m not suggesting that you extraverted folks would be able to handle this kind of incessant banter better (would you??) but my thresh hold for it seems much lower than, say, my sister’s or some of my other extraverted friends.   Jason is also an introvert (though slightly less so than me, I think) and some (ok, most) evenings after we get the boys in bed, we do not speak to each other for at least an hour. Sometimes longer.   It’s like we physically can’t speak.   And I would guess that it’s the reason why some weeks we struggle to feel as connected with one another as we would like.  We both just feel completely filled to the brim and we’ve got nothing left.   So we retreat to our blissfully silent places in survival mode, sitting side-by-silent-side on the couch, reading, writing or just spacing out.

I like my friends, my family.  And I like spending time with them.   And I love those boys crazy much.  But I seem to have an “all filled up” capacity and I reach that capacity SO much sooner now that the boys are at this particular life stage.  It’s a fun stage and I’m thoroughly enjoying it but I’m functioning at my absolute limit most days.  And the thought of spending the boys’ nap time in anything but complete solitude is mildly alarming to me.  I’m wondering if other introverted people find this stage of life difficult?  Does it get better?  I’m constantly seeking out space that is quiet or solitary.  Or if you’re an extravert, what difficulties do you have that might be different from your introverted counterparts?    Like, is nap time lonely for you (I cannot fathom that this is so)?   Talk to me, people.

And in the meantime…

 

tales of a control freak

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This past weekend Jason pushed me to my limits.  I mean, it was a real doozy, folks.  I’m a planner.  I like to have a plan.  Jason?  Not so much.   He doesn’t like to make decisions or to figure things out ahead of time.  Ever.  He likes to make his mind up on a whim with no regard for important things like having a clean house, warm clothing, snacks so we don’t get grumpy.  He’s been known to pack the boys into the car before we even know where we’re going.  This is maddening to me!   I’ll ask what we’re going to do and he casually says “oh, I dunno, let’s just get in and we’ll figure it out later.”  WHAT??!   Hanging out with some friends earlier this summer, we all rated our “ability to be spontaneous” and while Jason was easily an 8, I was, at best, a 2.   So last Saturday when he suggested we go to the pumpkin patch later that afternoon, I immediately said no, of course.  No way.  Without 2 days notice so I can figure out what we’ll need for the car ride, snacks for the long afternoon, coordinating clothing for optimal photo-ops, and printed directions?  I don’t think so.

While he continued to try to convince me, he casually asked if maybe we should carve some pumpkins with the boys.  I said no again.  I mean… right now?  It isn’t Halloween!   And the kitchen’s a mess!  If we need anything, it’s a clean work space, right?  And I hadn’t properly prepped the boys so they could be excited and eager and ready to go.  Did we even have any newspaper to lay down for all the pumpkin guts?  There wasn’t a fire going, a perfect Fall playlist piping, and seriously, people, the kitchen was trashed.  So while I worked myself into a proper fit, Jason just got the pumpkins, gathered the boys, grabbed the knife and commenced to carving.

I rallied, friends.  I totally rallied.  I grabbed the camera, scoured the web for instructions on roasting the pumpkin seeds and put on a pot of tea.  We even went to the pumpkin patch that afternoon and we had a grand time.  It wasn’t exactly how I would have done it.  Ok, not at ALL like I would have done it (wait ’til you see Isaiah’s shirt!).  But I’ve gotta say that it was a lot of fun.  And the boys really had a blast.   I nearly had an aneurysm but this is the way Jason and I have been rolling since day 1.  Sometimes we’ll have the planned outing, the yearly tradition, the coordinating outfits.  But, heaven help me, we also have a whole lot of spontaneity and rolling with the punches (you should see us when we travel!  not pretty) and somehow we’ve lived to tell.

—————–

On Friday, the boys and I made apple cider.  You should have seen the cleanliness, the organization, the planning that went into it.


First the boys took the stickers off the apples.


Gryff spent a lot of time rolling his apples around in his little blue truck


Isaiah was in charge of washing the apples.  He got a TINY bit of water on an apple, rubbed it liked a genie and called it a day


Getting ready for me to start the juicer.


We ended up with WAY more juice than I anticipated.  Even the best laid plans…


Look how frothy it was!  Not sure if it was supposed to be that way but we rolled with it.  You know, cause I’m flexible like that.


While I worked on seasoning the cider, this happened.


Then Isaiah decided to be the dentist…


And then things got a little more invasive!


I seriously can’t believe Gryffin was able to have Isaiah on top of him for so long.  Little brother is h e a v y

For the record, the boys did not like the apple cider.

—————–

And… on to the much less organized pumpkin carving


Gryffin wasn’t a fan of all the gooey mess at first.


He preferred to keep a safe distance


Isaiah had no such reservations


Our first attempt at roasted pumpkin seeds.  They were… ok.  Kinda hard to chew.


First order of business at the pumpkin patch was riding the animal train.

 


This picture doesn’t show it but Gryffin was completely pumped about this train.  He waved at everyone like a politician
and kept saying “Isn’t this the best train in all the land?”


Then on to the corn maze.


Trying to coerce Isaiah to pose for a family photo


This was as close as we’ve ever gotten.  We’ll take it!


Not in the orange and brown matchy-matchy Fall outfits I probably would have selected…

And… just, wow, that shirt… but they’re still pretty cute, no?


And finally selecting our pumpkins.   Isaiah was a machine in that pumpkin field.  Kid could not be slowed for anything.


We told him he had to be able to pick his pumpkin up.


With Isaiah plowing with abandon through the pumpkin patch, Gryffin was finally able to get some one-on-one time with Stella


Big brother’s got skills!

—————–

We finished off the night with an impromptu and sorta disastrous dinner with the Hickorys at a noodle house in the ID.   Stella was up past bed time and super squiggly, Isaiah was COVERED with mud from the pumpkin patch, the boys spilled 2 waters and a soy sauce jar between them and I’m not sure any of the adults actually ate.    All in all, though, a good weekend, and I think my spontaneity score might just be pushing past 3, what with all my wild and fancy-free ways.

parentals and a birthday

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We’ve really been on our game this past week.  Our house has been clean, laundry folded, Jason and I have had time to read on occasion while the boys have been happily entertained for hours on end and…oh, wait, that’s because my folks were in town.   Man, we really feel like we’ve got things together with my mom and dad around.  We got a few extra minutes every morning while my parents read books, studied maps, tossed frisbees, and played games with the boys.  We prepared and served meals without stress while the aforementioned things continued.  We came back downstairs after putting the boys to bed each night and the dinner mess would be picked up, floors swept and the kitchen spotless.  Really made us feel like we’ve got this parenting/life/work/marriage thing down.  Everything seemed so smooth and seamless.  But then they leave and reality sets in so stinkin’ fast.  They have been gone less than 24 hours and there are GoLean Crunch crumbs all over the bathroom floor (mixed with some pee, unfortunately), dinner was a Pinterest disaster last night,  Isaiah has been a hot mess as he has fought the good fight against nap and bedtime and I’ve been wondering who we could get to move in downstairs in exchange for potty training Isaiah and cleaning my house (or, at the very least, that bathroom floor).

A look back at their visit, which included Gryffin’s birthday party, among other things…


Isaiah, hanging with his pal, “Do-paw”


He’s got a pretty great “pout” these days


Thankfully, he also has a rad smile.  And isn’t his hair awesome?
This was the day before the boys got haircuts.  I’m always a little sad to see the curls go.


Still 3… just one more day until his birthday and he was SO excited


I cried when I put him to bed the night before his birthday – gazing at him one last time as a 3-year-old and getting all weepy.


We woke up the next morning to this sunrise and…


This guy!  Speaking of haircuts…whoa!


Gryffin’s one request for his birthday was to have “Chocolate Rah-sants” (croissants) and NO banana (or any other fruit).  Done!


Checking out a gift from Muti and Dopaw.  Doesn’t he look old here?


Birthday hug from Papa


Isaiah chatting with Muti after the birthday breakfast


On the evening of Gryffin’s birthday we were treated to an incredible moonrise and we watched the birth video Jason made 4 years ago (don’t fret, it’s “sanitized” – except for the mildly scary belly bouncing at the beginning – sorry about that)


Next morning Jason and my dad took the boys out for haircuts while my mom and I got things ready for the party.


G-man checking out the party favors


Some of the guests… “Baby” Abe, who is not so much a baby anymore!


Sawyer, Gryffin’s new neighborhood friend


Baby Stella, of course


Lilly, the only big girl, hung by herself most of the time.  Poor gal seemed a little out of her element with all the boys running around!


And James – Gryffin’s first-ever friend.  They’ve been buddies for over 2 years now.


This was what the party was ALL about for Gryffin.   The cupcakes.  They needed to be chocolate.  And vanilla.  And they HAD to have sprinkles!


Isaiah took a few minutes to stop crying and carrying on and demanding to be held warm up to the party and all the guests.  Here he is, finally relaxed and showing off his new ‘do


And… the after-party.  Dopaw helping with something very important, I’m sure, and somehow both kids are half-naked (as per usual)

Whew.  It was quite the week.  Being a glass half-empty person means that I usually expect visits from my parents or friends, vacations, outings – anything I’m looking forward to, really – to be totally disastrous.  So when we made it through the entire week without any drama (illnesses, injuries, major meltdowns, etc), I was sort of shocked.  And elated!  Maybe there’s more in that glass after all!

Frustrated

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Gryffin has been in a funk lately.  Totally funked out.   He’ll be thwarted in some endeavor or completely irked by Isaiah or just generally peeved by what’s for breakfast and he just… loses it.  He screams.  He wails.  He’ll very dramatically say “I am NOT going to be your friend!” to whomever has offended him in some form or fashion, including inanimate objects.   Part of me really feels for him, you know?  He can’t quite seem to process his feelings.  He’s bothered by something but he doesn’t quite know how to express his feelings or his frustration so he just screams.  Makes total sense.  But it’s also unbelievably annoying.   Jason and I find ourselves vacillating between 2 extremes in our response to his outbursts…

Option A: What’s bothering you, buddy?  What’s going on?  Are you frustrated?  Does that make you angry?  How can I help?

Option B: Seriously, kid.  Pull yourself together.  Stat.

We’ve tried virtually every approach we can think of.  And we know that these phases usually pass rather quickly.  But oh, this one has been a doozy.   I have lost my temper more times than I can count recently and yesterday I swear there was smoke coming out of Jason’s ears after a meltdown at breakfast.    It didn’t help that we’ve been on a break from preschool for 2 weeks, which has meant a break in the usual routine (rarely a good thing) and I was away for a marathon birth (21 hours) last week so the stand-in routine was thrown off kilter as well.

Yesterday afternoon showed a bright spot, a ray of hope when, after being told that it was time to leave the restaurant (which he vehemently did not want to do), instead of just screaming, he yelled “I’M FRUSTRATED!!!!  I’M FRUSTRATED!!!!”    Improvement, yes?     Baby steps, people, baby steps.   We’ll take it!

Isn’t it crazy that the same little person who brings us so much unabashed joy, so much utter delight can also bring us so much irritation, anger, and stress?   It amazes me.  One moment I’m about to burst apart at the seams with how much I love him and the next minute I just want to flick him.  Hard.  It’s unbelievable.  Thankfully the former moments still outweigh the latter.   And hallelujah for that!

———-

Here are some of the ways we have been spending our time during the preschool hiatus…

We baked.   The boys helped with their first baking project, a huge batch of banana bread.

They helped from start to finish and they were so proud of themselves.
I would measure and they would dump.

Aside from dipping their fingers in the sugar that I spilled and eating some of the finished product,
the most fun part was taking some of the bounty over to our next-door neighbors

 I googled around for some new ideas for play time and here is one of them.
I used masking tape to make a huge race track around our living, coming up on the couch, and around the rug.
Turns out, after several days, masking tape does not come off the wood floor as easily as it does the first!

Gryffin really liked this one.   I numbered 12 easter eggs
and he had to match the numbers with the ones I printed inside the egg carton.

He would fill up the carton and then “sell” them to anyone and everyone.

In the evenings, Jason and I have found our slightly battered spirits
lifted by our summer house guests, Jordan & Belinda.
We’ve been eating dinner together at least a couple nights a week
and there’s nothing like a good
towel whipping marathon to make anyone happy.

Jordan, post-towel contest.
I mentioned before that when I’m feeling frustrated with one of the boys, all I need do is watch them while they are sleeping.  I found Gryffin like this in our bed two days ago during his “quiet time” and my cup just filled right back up.   So I called Jason up from the office so he could take a quick peek, too.

Camping, take 2

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Well, folks, I think it’s official.  We are a camping family.  Last year left us with some significant doubts but we were heartened (mostly) by our trip last month for J’s birthday and were actually looking forward to our 5th annual Community Group campout.  From the moment we got pregnant with Isaiah we’ve been saying that Summer of 2012 would be our year and it turns out we were right.    A look back at the weekend in pictures…

Despite a decent slope to the ground, our group campsite was pretty awesome.
Some sun, some shade, two firepits, multiple picnic tables and we all got to be together.

With Jack as catcher and Daniel (not pictured) as an incredible pitcher,
Isaiah actually managed to make contact with the wiffle ball 3 times Saturday morning.
I’ve got to admit, I was sort of puffed with pride watching him hit that ball.
What can I say?  Kid’s a natural!

The boys were pretty pumped about their sunglasses

We were camping at Tolt MacDonald State Park and our campground was right on the river.
The boys had fun tossing rocks, some of our gang floated down the river and there was a lot of swimming

See the purple hammock just past Jason?  Maybe one of the more memorable (painful?) moments of the weekend was Saturday evening when Jordan was lounging in it while we all chatted around the campfire and the thing just split apart and dumped him onto the ground!

Gryffin scoping out the food situation

Isaiah spent a good portion of the weekend running.
He’d say “I go jogging” and off he’d go, sometimes alone, sometimes chasing the bigger boys
(and keeping up!) on their bikes

Here’s his classic stride

Taking a quick breather.

Owen (4) – new to the group but he made fast friends with Gryffin and Isaiah
and the 3 were inseparable for the weekend

And after the kids were tucked into their tents for the night, there were more shenanigans to be had.
In the spirit of the Olympics we staged our own decathlon.  Here’s Jordan bench-riding

 Me showing off a cartwheel

Trying to coach Jason in an elbow stand.  Things were ok…
…until this happened

All in all a great weekend.  And we’re thinking about squeezing in another trip or two before summer in Seattle comes to a close.    Here’s a link to my camping checklist (for car camping with potable water) and a few tips for when you’re camping with little ones…

  • Keep your general routine going – they will stay up later to be sure but keep naps and bedtime routines roughly the same.  At naptime and bedtime, we put the boys in the tent and then (mostly) let them fend for themselves.  They usually talked and played with their flashlights for quite a while before falling asleep.  No big deal.  They were in bed and we had some time on our own.
  • Bring multiple changes of clothes and socks for your kids.  I brought 3 changes per day per kid.   They will get dirty.  Really dirty.  Just roll with it and change them when things get out of hand.
  • Bring a lot of wipes.  I used them a lot for cleaning up food spills on their clothes and wiping their feet before they got in the tent.
  • Hand sanitizer.  Bring some.
  • Camp with other kids, if possible.  This was probably the biggest bonus for all of us this time around.  With Owen there, the boys had someone to play with and they had a grand time doing their own thing.  A win-win.
  • Bring a ton of towels – large, small, medium.  Junky ones that you can use to clean up anything.
  • Best toys this year?  Bikes, water squirters, a couple bins that I filled with soapy water so the boys could wash their toy cars with sponges.   I also usually bring sidewalk chalk, magnifying glasses, glow sticks (doesn’t get dark up here until after the boys are in bed though!), and a couple books.
  • Be flex with food.   This was kind of hard for me at first but, especially when camping with other folks, we let things slide with food.   We bring a few fun treats that the boys don’t normally get (juice boxes, granola bars) and tried to say yes to as many food requests as possible (hot dogs?  sure!  animal crackers?  sure!  potato chips?  sure!).
  • Be ready for the let down and some angst when you get home.   Your kids will be amped up all weekend, and for good reason, but that makes coming home and getting back into the routine a little rough at times.   You have a ton of laundry and unpacking to do and your kids are melting down fast.  I find that if I am expecting the let down and some tantrums upon our return, I’m not as bothered by it.     Take your time unpacking and easing back in to the swing of things.

Hopefully we’ll be able to get back out there soon.  I’m curious to see how we do when we are completely on our own, instead of with a group of friends.  It will likely be more work for us without all our friends there to help with the boys but Jason and I haven’t had time around a campfire alone since 2008 and we’re ready for it!  As far as camping goes, I think the Rusts have arrived!  

Perspective

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Life is all about perspective, right?  How you view the world and yourself in it?  While we were on our mini vacation last week, Jason and I discovered that our perspective on our life with toddlers is so much more upbeat when we take lots of pictures.    Look back at this post for evidence.   Don’t we look so happy, so ain’t-life-grand?  In reality, that morning was pretty rough.   I said that Gryffin was sort of grumpy, which was actually the understatement of the year.   But in the late afternoon, while the boys were napping, Jason and I looked over the photos and both of us felt like the morning had been a real hit.   We reminded ourselves that we were both fed up and frustrated, had a minor argument of our own, the boys full of their own cranky toddler drama and it was actually kind of rotten.  But you’d never know it by looking at the pictures.   It changed our perspective.

Back in college, in my rhetoric course, we spent a small portion of the semester talking about picture-taking.  How pictures can change our perspective and our experience of something.   Do you remember your wedding, say?   Standing at the end of the aisle and that thrilling feeling as you gazed at your spouse-to-be?  Or do you remember the pictures of your wedding?  Or the video?   Based on those conversations in college, Jason and I discussed at great length before we had Gryffin and Isaiah about whether or not to videotape their births. I wanted to remember it from my own perspective, to recall how it felt to push them out of my body, to feel them in my arms, not just what it looked like on camera.   In the end, we decided to go for it and Jason put together some incredible videos for each birth.  I’m so grateful that we have them.  But it did change my perspective and the way that I remember them.  A little.  Not entirely because I made an effort to be mindful of it, to write down their birth stories as well and to preserve the experience in other ways .

With all of that in mind, I got rather hooked during our vacay on taking photos of some of our everyday experiences.  Jason and I enjoyed pouring over the photos each evening and it brought out the highlights of each day.  And that really helps a glass-half-empty kind of gal like myself (that feels sort of embarrassing to admit, that I’m a glass-half-empty sort, but my mom always said I had a real flair for the melancholy and it’s true).    Here are some shots of yesterday morning at the spray-ground in Ballard.    Was Isaiah rather ornery all morning and unwilling to get in his carseat without tears and drama?  Yep.  Was Gryffin bawling his eyes out in time-out in the garage before we even left the house?  You bet.  Did I tweak my back and spend the evening on the couch, unable to move or breath without great pain?  Sure did.  But I didn’t take photos of those moments.  Here are the ones I did take.  I captured some of the genuinely good moments of the day.   I look at these and I don’t think about all the difficult moments.  I just smile and think ain’t life grand?

Gryffin when the water started spraying for the first time

Isaiah scoping the scene, checking things out


Taking a quick pomegranate break

Isaiah kept asking me to “take picture” but he would NOT smile for me

Some brotherly collaboration

Chocolate Marshmallow Fudge Delight

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This kid most definitely comes from my side of the family.  At least in so far as it relates to food.  Gryffin likes to eat.  A lot.  He’s known far and wide as an eater, always talking, planning and dreaming about food, it seems.   He’s always thinking ahead to his next meal, his next snack, his next treat.  The way to his heart is most definitely through food.  And especially dessert.   This describes so many people in my family (my sister -big time, my uncle can pound an entire 1/2 gallon of ice cream in one sitting, my entire dad’s side of the family, it seems – hello, scotch kisses) that it just seems to be natural fit.

It’s strange because Isaiah is by FAR the larger of our two boys.   We’re talking 110th percentile for a 12-month-old @ his 6-month checkup.  That guy threw my back out when I was Bjorning him at 3 months.  Seriously.  Maybe it’s because Isaiah was such a huuuge baby and took to nursing immediately.  He never had to fight for it.  Never had to go hungry.  Unlike G, who was only 6 pounds soaking wet as a babe, couldn’t nurse at first and just seemed to be hungry from day 1.     Whatever it is, kid’s a Lundin/Myers through and through.

When we discovered that our vacation house had a fire pit and that Gryffin wasn’t afraid of the fire like he was last year, it seemed only fitting that we introduce the boys to s’mores.   I thought Gryffin’s head might explode with the excitement.  It was almost too much for him.   He referred to them as chocolate marshmallow fudge delights, after a line from The Rattletrap Car and he was absolutely over the moon about them.

We usually go around as a family each evening and discuss our favorite parts of the day.  Gryffin, of course, declared the chocolate marshmallow fudge delights his most favorite part and woke up talking about them.

Isaiah, on the other hand, was just kind of… meh about them.  They were neither here nor there for him and tonight he barely even looked at his.

Besides eating copious amounts of dessert, we also hit the Children’s Museum, KidiMu, this morning and the boys had a blast.  Jason spent the afternoon mountain biking again and trying out his new favorite sport of paddle boarding.  He fell in, maybe just 15 times today?  He claims that two of the times he jumped in of his own accord but I’m not sure I believe him.  We also managed to go out to a nice dinner with the fellas.  It was nothing short of miraculous.  The boys were incredibly well-behaved, patient while waiting for their food and they both ate without complaint.   And the food was brilliant to bout. Wonders never cease.

Up next?  Bloedel Garden Reserve in the morning.

Jason after his mountain biking this afternoon.  Just a tad muddy.

Isaiah was so sad after his nap to discover that J had left without him on the bike ride.

He just sat outside and kept calling “Papa!  I go bike ride too!” every few minutes.


Still waiting

Jason trying to look like he’s got this paddle boarding thing down.

Not even remotely excited about the marshmallow

And… me.  I was thinking about dinner and whether or not I could convince Jason into stopping at Mora’s again.  Apple doesn’t fall far, that’s for sure.

Bainbridge Vacay, Day 1

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This is technically day 2 of our summer vacation but I had to head back into Seattle yesterday to work (that’s what professionals do, right La V?) so today is the official start of my vacation anyway.  Jason and the boys hit the ground running yesterday, hiking, harvesting huckleberries and canoeing while I caught the morning ferry back to Seattle and headed to Swedish First Hill.    I came home in the evening exhausted and weary but I somehow managed to grab some take-out and swing by Mora’s Iced Creamery before heading back to our vacation house on Manzanita Bay.    It’s a rough life.

Our vacation house basically has everything we look for when we’re away from home.    We are right on the water, surrounded by trees, tons of exploring and fun to be had without driving anywhere.  There’s a hot tub (of course), small kitchen, and we’re only about 8 minutes to “downtown” Bainbridge.

After hitting the hot tub this morning, we decided to head out and explore Fort Ward State Park.  It was beautiful in typical PNW style but the weather was cold and Gryffin was kind of grumpy so we packed it in after exploring for about an hour.   Both boys seem pretty tired today, despite sleeping really well the past 2 nights.  Maybe the 3-mile hike with J yesterday wore them out?    Who knows.  We ate lunch at a deli on Winslow and headed back to the house for nap time.  So the boys are sleeping now (or “sleeping” in Gryffin’s case) and I’m sitting here on the couch, gazing out the window at the trees, relaxing and going over some the pictures I took this morning, while Jason is out on a bike ride.

I am feeling happy.  I’ve got a good book, some creative projects brewing in my head for this summer (among other things, I’m thinking about trying to make a picnic table- is that too ambitious?), and my little fam nestled in around me for a couple days.  I’ve often talked with friends about how vacations with kids are kind of… well, a lot of work!  Not really vacation at all.  And in some ways, that is still true for us.  We still have to take care of the boys after all.  No vacation exists for that.  But it’s the other things.  The meals.  We eat out a lot when we’re on vacay.  The nap times.  We don’t work or cook or clean or do laundry during nap times.   And after the boys are in bed for the night, we just hang out.  No entertaining, no cleaning (seriously, this house is already totally trashed – friends, you would be shocked!  it’s very un-Nance-like up in here), no “to do” lists.    It’s great and about all I could ask for at this stage of my life.

For the past few days, when Gryffin wakes up in the morning, instead of waking up Isaiah, which is his usual MO, he’s been sneaking into our room without waking his brother and snuggling into bed with us.  I think he’s actually awake long before his light turns green (how he knows he’s allowed to get out of bed – best invention in the world, by the way) but is keeping quiet so that he can have that time with us on his own.  Such a sweet time with our boy and Isaiah gets some additional zzz’s.  A win win.   This morning, though, Gryffin sidled up to Jason first and the two of them decided to get some books and come down stairs.  I thought about getting up with them.  I really did.  But someone needed to stay upstairs with Isaiah, right?  So I decided to re-fluff my pillows and nestle back under the covers.  People, I have not slept in for almost 4 years.  I’m not exaggerating.  I got to sleep until 8:15 when Isaiah finally woke up and toddled in to see what was what.   If that ain’t a good start to vacation, I don’t know what is.


At the start of the trail @ Fort Ward


This was the highlight of the park for the boys.  Seriously.  As you can see, there was a drinking fountain and then this spigot which we told the boys was for dogs to get a drink.  They found this just hilarious.


Isaiah, after he informed us that he wanted to “drink like puppy dog.”
Kid has been cracking us up lately with the random things he says

Love that belly.  Getting smaller every day.
I’ve been working on some basic photography skills the past few weeks.
I really like having a camera on days like today.It’s fun to play around with different shots and camera angles while we explore and we’ve been trying to remember to take more photos, instead of always relying on our talented friends to take them for us!

After loading Gryffin in the car, I turned around to find Isaiah like this.
“I take nap.”   Whatever floats your boat, kid.

Higher Highs, Lower Lows

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Yesterday Gryffin told me for the first time that he didn’t like me.  Ouch.  And I’ll admit that one of my first thoughts was charming, kid, reeeeal charming.  I’ve been up with you and your brother every night this week because you are both sick, you’ve been unbelievably cranky the last few days, and earlier today, you sneezed in my face and got some of your snot in. my. mouth.  This is just great.  But another part of me felt so bereft when I heard those words and I thought yeah, well, I don’t like myself very much right now either.  I had lost my temper several times over the course of the afternoon and felt at my absolute wits end with him.   It was not my best day.  Not by a long shot.

Jason and I continue to be amazed at the heights to which we soar with Gryffin & Isaiah, how good we feel around them, how much unabashed delight we feel in their presence, just watching them move about and do their thing, and yet in almost the same breath, the depths to which we can sink when things aren’t going well.  How quickly we feel frazzled, frustrated, and overwhelmed.  And it can happen in the span of about 2 minutes sometimes.    Seriously.  One minute we are absolutely swooning, as we watch Gryffin fall down and see Isaiah reach him first, bend over and put his hand on Gryffin’s back and say “hug?”   Oh, my heart.  Those moments.   Nothing makes us feel better than to see our fellas moving with ease in the world, being silly, showing kindness, learning new things, just generally being their inquisitive, goofy, transparent selves.   But just seconds after said exchange between the brothers, one of them is kicking the other, spitting on the floor, and thrashing about because I told him it was NOT ok to lick the butter straight from the butter dish.  Sigh.  And just like that we’ve gone from the highest to the lowest in the span of 1:32.

It’s hard not to let the negative parts of the day (and some days there are A LOT) outweigh the wonderful parts.  To be bogged down by all the cajoling, coercing, bargaining, time-outing & tantruming of toddlerhood.  But, I’ve said it before, and I’m saying it again – mainly to remind myself this week – that I am going to miss these years.   These are good, good years.  They really are.  My friend Stefanie reminded me once that the days are so long sometimes but the years are short.   These boys have changed us, Jason and me, so completely, so utterly, so unexpectedly.   We often find ourselves reflecting on our life before they were born and wondering what it was that we were doing.  How could we not have had them in our lives?   We can’t wait to watch their lives spread out before them.  And last week we were talking about what life will be like when they are grown and gone.   Jason, feeling forlorn, asked what I thought we would do with ourselves, our life together, once they are out of the house.  And I said “oh, I think we’ll have plenty to do.  The question is really whether or not we’ll enjoy it half as much once they aren’t with us anymore.”

I remember reading once (again, I can’t recall where… I need to work on this!) that having kids means that you will have higher highs and lower lows.  And it’s been absolutely true for us.   So we’ll take the low days, the difficult weeks, the trying times if we get to sail to such unbelievable, breathtaking, chest-swelling heights.

Some of the highs from the past few weeks…

The boys were sick on Sunday but they really rallied for a few hours in the morning,
making for a good Mother’s Day brunch

Jason making me, hands down, the best breakfast of my year

Jason’s mom was still in town so we got to celebrate Mother’s Day with her as well

A couple weeks ago down at Lincoln Park Beach

Gryffin sharing his drink with Isaiah at the park
(no, little brother does not need that bike helmet but he insists!)

Heading out for a walk with Aunt Rita & Uncle John,
who came up for a much-too-brief visit a couple weeks ago

Uncle John brought some photos of tractors and such just for Gryffin.  They really poured over it.

J and G in the doughnut at Volunteer Park

View from the doughnut

Every night Jason and I sneak quietly into the boys’ room before bed to kiss them one more time, pull their blankets up and just kind of marvel at them together.  Jason was out of town a couple weeks ago so I tiptoed in on my own.  This was how I found the G-man.  All his cars lined up just so.  His hands tucked under his chin in his signature sleep position of late.  All it takes after a discouraging, disheartening day is to behold him sleeping like this…
…and just like that, I’m flying high again.

Boo

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Apparently all holidays, milestones and special events make me a little sad. It’s not just birthdays. Last night was the first time we took the boys trick or treating. Jason and I took such delight in the whole affair. After the “trunk or treat” on Saturday, Gryffin had a vague sense of what we’d be doing, mainly that he would be getting some more “treats” to add to his bag and was SO excited. We took pictures in the front yard and then set off about the neighborhood.

Gryffin knocked on the first door and shouted “hey! hey! We want to come in!” He didn’t quite understand the concept. We reminded him to say “trick or treat” and had to pull him out of our neighbors’ entryway before he made himself at home. We explained again and again that we weren’t going inside. Just going to stand on the doorstep. He finally got the hang of it and just generally thought the whole thing was incredible. After each house, he’d cheerfully say “ok! just a couple more houses!”

Isaiah was mostly just happy to come along for the ride. He rode in his little red car and held tight to his candy bag, dragging it along the ground until it was threadbare.

We finally got cold and headed for home where we dumped out the boys’ bags to examine their loot. We had only decided on Saturday that we’d go trick or treating and it all seemed kind of last minute and no big deal. But Jason and I had such an unexpectedly happy time, watching the joy in Gryffin’s little face, the excitement so evident in his whole body. Watching folks delight in Isaiah’s astronaut get up and Gryffin’s exuberance and having the rare chance to interact more with our neighbors.

And when the boys were both in bed, after indulging in one of their treats of course, we both sighed and felt just a little sad. Again. We’ll never have THIS halloween again. Never see the boys at this exact stage on halloween again. Gryffin won’t be quite so transparent and vulnerable next year. Isaiah won’t be so content just to roll along the street next time around.  And so we talked and talked and talked about it last night over dinner, recalling each little detail and delightful interchange.  Can’t wait to see what next Halloween brings.

Isaiah was a NASA astronaut, thanks to the jumpsuit from Jack and La Verne
(technically given to Gryffin but he was too scared to “go to the moon”)
Gryffin was Spock from Star Trek
(chosen solely because he won’t wear anything that is even
ever-so-slightly different from his normal get up and we wanted something space-themed)
Jason was the sun (not sure about the hard hat).  I was a martian (sort of).